The following suggestions are for you to consider in terms of your life. If you try to re-late
these ideas to yourself and make an effort to apply them in your daily living, you may be
able to deal with some of each of each and every stressor in your life.
1. It is important to understand and accept the fact that periods of anxiety, depression,
misery, or happiness are often the result of the meaning you attach to the events in
your life, rather than the actual events themselves. Most of your feelings and actions stem
directly from your thoughts, for example, what you tell yourself, your silent speech, and self-
talk.
2. Thus, if you tell yourself anxious or depressive or horrible things, it is likely you will
feel tense, discouraged or upset. This,in turn will become a new source to worry and fret
about and you repeat the pattern. In addition, you may begin to experience various bodily
aches and pains. Such expressions as “he gives me a headache, “ or “she makes me
sick at my stomach,” or “that burnt me up,” all indicate the relationship between your
mental functioning and balance on the one hand, and your physical health and well being
on the other hand.
The A-B-C’s of analyzing behavior will help you understand how your own thoughts and
ideas about events, rather than the actual events themselves, determine your behavior.
Let A stand for an event or occurrence, such as someone saying you are stupid or telling you to drop
dead.
Let B stand for the interpretation you make of A, what meaning and significance you attach to A, or
what you tell yourself about A.
Let C stand for your total response that results from B, that is how you feel and what you can do
with reference to A.
How a person reacts [C], to a situation or event [A], is primarily determined by his
thoughts and attitudes, [B], toward the situation or event, [A]. In short, [C, your re-
sponse], is essentially a result of B [your interpretation] and not of A, [the event it
self].
Much of the misery you experience in life is not caused primarily by external
circumstances. Your unhappiness is something over which you do have considerable
control. Many of the unhappy occasions in your life are the result of your own thinking,
what you tell yourself, your attitude toward yourself and other people, or how you
interpret the things that happen to you.
By examining your thought patterns and changing those ideas that are unrealistic,
immature, or self-defeating, you can and will overcome much of the unhappiness
that you, yourself, have created.
3. It is both unrealistic and contrary to good mental health for you:
(a) to feel you must always do what others think you should do;
(b) to feel you must always have everyone’s approval;
(c) to feel the need to be loved or appreciated by everyone.
It is important to concentrate on self-approval, self-esteem, and self-fulfillment than on
approval by others, esteem from others, or living up to the expectations of theirs. Of
course, reasonable self-interest is not to be confused with selfishness or self-
centeredness. These traits are usually found in the overindulged, egotistical, “spoiled”
individual who thinks only of himself or herself. They are also found in the acutely self-
conscious person whose self-esteem is so low and who feels so inferior and inadequate
that he is preoccupied with himself, and appears self-centered.
4. Use the criticism or negative reactions of theirs as a basis for examining yourself. If
the criticism is valid, use it to improve yourself. You may change your behavior in such a
way that the criticism will no longer be justified. If the criticism is not valid, then the
problem is more with the person doing the criticizing than with yourself. In this case, you
might repeat this rhyme several times: “Sticks and stones will never hurt me”).
Suppose, for example:
Someone calls you a liar. Because you respect him and take him seriously, you are hurt
by his words, or rather you hurt yourself by our interpretation of his words. You might say to
yourself, “Isn’t this terrible? He thinks I am no good. Maybe I am no good., This is
unbearable. “ On the other hand, you might react by thinking, “Now why would he call me a
liar when I am not one? He must be mistaken and surely I can help him understand that I
am not a liar. I will be have differently the next time.” Or if appropriate, you might think, “He
is right, I haven’t told the truth, I guess I have done some lying and the best thing to do is
to admit it and to realize that this is not the way to have people trust me. So, from now on, I
intend to stick to the truth and prove to him and others that I am a truthful person.”
5. Accept your mistakes and wrongdoings as lessons to learn from and experiences to
profit from, rather than as reasons to blame and condemn yourself. The misdeeds of
others can be viewed in the same way. Instead of passing judgment on other people, try to
realize that it is easier for them to correct their own misbehavior if you offer understanding
and guidance instead of blame and punishment. This also applies to the disciplining of
children.
6. Distinguish between the situations that may be unpleasant or undesirable, while
everyone experiences at times, and your own interpretation of those situations as
“catastrophic or “unbearable”. They need not be unless you make them so. Most
“catastrophes” or “unbearable” crises are the result of apparent pattern of thinking will
result in a different outcome. Again, it is important to realize that it is usually not the
situation that is intolerable, but your interpretation of the circumstances as intolerable
that creates the crisis.
Remember the A-B-Cs of understanding you behavior.
Everyone sooner or later faces intense frustration, disappointment, pain, tragedy
and personal loss; such as disease, death of a loved one, or failure in a life goal,
and it is only natural to feel unhappy or sad when these things occur. Nevertheless, it is
NOT necessary to exaggerate or prolong your emotional reaction and thereby create more
misery and problems.
7. When you are inclined to take things that happen to you too seriously or when you
get too worked up over some frustration or difficult, try to stop and ask yourself, ”Now
what difference does this really make? What difference will this make a hundred years
from now?” The chances are that in most instances, your answer will be, “Well, as a
matter-of-fact, I suppose this really doesn’t make as much difference as I thought. It won’t
make any difference one hundred years from now and maybe not even one year from
now!”
8. Distinguish between your feelings which are largely involuntary, and your actions,
which are largely voluntary. The feelings that you experience---even “bad” feelings
such as feeling angry or hating someone---are quite normal and natural. It is impor-
tant to remember that you can have “mean thoughts” or “bad feelings” without being
“bad and without actually acting “mean”.
a Thoughts or feelings in themselves can never hurt anyone.
b To think or feel hostile at times toward others, even those you love, is
perfectly normal and simply indicates you are human.
c Just because you do sometimes think or feel hostile, in no way are you a
“mean” or bad person.
9. It is both unrealistic and psychologically unhealthy to expect yourself to be
thoroughly competent or nearly perfect in everything you do. Nor is it reasonable or
desirable to feel that you must always equal or surpass others in your undertakings. It is
important to accept that your worth as a person is not related to the step that you
occupy on the ladder of success in society.
In play or work, “try to do, rather than to do perfectly.” Try to better your own per-
formances rather than those of others. Strive, from time to time if you will, to be a
better artist, or ballplayer, or businessman, or housewife, than you are now, but..... if you
become more successful in your chosen field, do not confuse this with being a better
person, i.e., being better as a person. Also, be ready to accept failure from time to time, as
unpleasant or unfortunate, but not as absolutely dreadful and unbearable; and not as
having anything whatever to do with your intrinsic value as a human being.”
10. Your past, particularly your childhood experiences, can affect your present life only
through your thoughts, feelings, and memories about the past. Your past as such, is over
and done. No matter how painful or unpleasant certain experiences at the time, they can
continue to interfere with your present only if you continue to interpret them as “painful”,
“horrible”, “or “terrible”.
If some disturbing event occurred in earlier years and continues to interfere with
your present, it is because of the ideas, associations, and thoughts about the past
event, rather than the occurrence itself, that is bothering you.
Your ability to cope with present situations may be hampered, in part, because of the
persistence of irrational guilt feelings or self-depreciating thought pattern carried over from
earlier life. It is important to realize that because something once strongly affected your life,
that it need not continue doing so indefinitely or for the rest of your life. While considering
your past history seriously and trying best to learn valuable lessons from it, you should
realize that your present is your past of tomorrow. Working to change the present may
enable you to make yourself a better future. Persistent rethinking of your old ideas and
reworking of your past habits can help you overcome the undesirable influences of your
earlier life. The practice of meditation addresses the reprogramming of harmful
negative thoughts and feelings.
11. A meaningful, productive life is an achievement, not an accident or a gift. Being a
real person involves giving yourself whole-heartedly to a cause of creative purpose
that transcends your own immediate gain or satisfaction. While it is important to
use your talents and energies in activities that are personally satisfying, they
should also contribute to the common good of other people. Being a real person
involves developing a mature conscience in which one values the existence and
welfare of others as much as his own.
Finally, being a real person involves having and living such basic values as
honesty, humility, courage, and love. These components of character form the
essentials for experiencing life as a worthwhile and meaningful adventure. With
determination, you can become more mature and live a more nearly complete and
real life.
these ideas to yourself and make an effort to apply them in your daily living, you may be
able to deal with some of each of each and every stressor in your life.
1. It is important to understand and accept the fact that periods of anxiety, depression,
misery, or happiness are often the result of the meaning you attach to the events in
your life, rather than the actual events themselves. Most of your feelings and actions stem
directly from your thoughts, for example, what you tell yourself, your silent speech, and self-
talk.
2. Thus, if you tell yourself anxious or depressive or horrible things, it is likely you will
feel tense, discouraged or upset. This,in turn will become a new source to worry and fret
about and you repeat the pattern. In addition, you may begin to experience various bodily
aches and pains. Such expressions as “he gives me a headache, “ or “she makes me
sick at my stomach,” or “that burnt me up,” all indicate the relationship between your
mental functioning and balance on the one hand, and your physical health and well being
on the other hand.
The A-B-C’s of analyzing behavior will help you understand how your own thoughts and
ideas about events, rather than the actual events themselves, determine your behavior.
Let A stand for an event or occurrence, such as someone saying you are stupid or telling you to drop
dead.
Let B stand for the interpretation you make of A, what meaning and significance you attach to A, or
what you tell yourself about A.
Let C stand for your total response that results from B, that is how you feel and what you can do
with reference to A.
How a person reacts [C], to a situation or event [A], is primarily determined by his
thoughts and attitudes, [B], toward the situation or event, [A]. In short, [C, your re-
sponse], is essentially a result of B [your interpretation] and not of A, [the event it
self].
Much of the misery you experience in life is not caused primarily by external
circumstances. Your unhappiness is something over which you do have considerable
control. Many of the unhappy occasions in your life are the result of your own thinking,
what you tell yourself, your attitude toward yourself and other people, or how you
interpret the things that happen to you.
By examining your thought patterns and changing those ideas that are unrealistic,
immature, or self-defeating, you can and will overcome much of the unhappiness
that you, yourself, have created.
3. It is both unrealistic and contrary to good mental health for you:
(a) to feel you must always do what others think you should do;
(b) to feel you must always have everyone’s approval;
(c) to feel the need to be loved or appreciated by everyone.
It is important to concentrate on self-approval, self-esteem, and self-fulfillment than on
approval by others, esteem from others, or living up to the expectations of theirs. Of
course, reasonable self-interest is not to be confused with selfishness or self-
centeredness. These traits are usually found in the overindulged, egotistical, “spoiled”
individual who thinks only of himself or herself. They are also found in the acutely self-
conscious person whose self-esteem is so low and who feels so inferior and inadequate
that he is preoccupied with himself, and appears self-centered.
4. Use the criticism or negative reactions of theirs as a basis for examining yourself. If
the criticism is valid, use it to improve yourself. You may change your behavior in such a
way that the criticism will no longer be justified. If the criticism is not valid, then the
problem is more with the person doing the criticizing than with yourself. In this case, you
might repeat this rhyme several times: “Sticks and stones will never hurt me”).
Suppose, for example:
Someone calls you a liar. Because you respect him and take him seriously, you are hurt
by his words, or rather you hurt yourself by our interpretation of his words. You might say to
yourself, “Isn’t this terrible? He thinks I am no good. Maybe I am no good., This is
unbearable. “ On the other hand, you might react by thinking, “Now why would he call me a
liar when I am not one? He must be mistaken and surely I can help him understand that I
am not a liar. I will be have differently the next time.” Or if appropriate, you might think, “He
is right, I haven’t told the truth, I guess I have done some lying and the best thing to do is
to admit it and to realize that this is not the way to have people trust me. So, from now on, I
intend to stick to the truth and prove to him and others that I am a truthful person.”
5. Accept your mistakes and wrongdoings as lessons to learn from and experiences to
profit from, rather than as reasons to blame and condemn yourself. The misdeeds of
others can be viewed in the same way. Instead of passing judgment on other people, try to
realize that it is easier for them to correct their own misbehavior if you offer understanding
and guidance instead of blame and punishment. This also applies to the disciplining of
children.
6. Distinguish between the situations that may be unpleasant or undesirable, while
everyone experiences at times, and your own interpretation of those situations as
“catastrophic or “unbearable”. They need not be unless you make them so. Most
“catastrophes” or “unbearable” crises are the result of apparent pattern of thinking will
result in a different outcome. Again, it is important to realize that it is usually not the
situation that is intolerable, but your interpretation of the circumstances as intolerable
that creates the crisis.
Remember the A-B-Cs of understanding you behavior.
Everyone sooner or later faces intense frustration, disappointment, pain, tragedy
and personal loss; such as disease, death of a loved one, or failure in a life goal,
and it is only natural to feel unhappy or sad when these things occur. Nevertheless, it is
NOT necessary to exaggerate or prolong your emotional reaction and thereby create more
misery and problems.
7. When you are inclined to take things that happen to you too seriously or when you
get too worked up over some frustration or difficult, try to stop and ask yourself, ”Now
what difference does this really make? What difference will this make a hundred years
from now?” The chances are that in most instances, your answer will be, “Well, as a
matter-of-fact, I suppose this really doesn’t make as much difference as I thought. It won’t
make any difference one hundred years from now and maybe not even one year from
now!”
8. Distinguish between your feelings which are largely involuntary, and your actions,
which are largely voluntary. The feelings that you experience---even “bad” feelings
such as feeling angry or hating someone---are quite normal and natural. It is impor-
tant to remember that you can have “mean thoughts” or “bad feelings” without being
“bad and without actually acting “mean”.
a Thoughts or feelings in themselves can never hurt anyone.
b To think or feel hostile at times toward others, even those you love, is
perfectly normal and simply indicates you are human.
c Just because you do sometimes think or feel hostile, in no way are you a
“mean” or bad person.
9. It is both unrealistic and psychologically unhealthy to expect yourself to be
thoroughly competent or nearly perfect in everything you do. Nor is it reasonable or
desirable to feel that you must always equal or surpass others in your undertakings. It is
important to accept that your worth as a person is not related to the step that you
occupy on the ladder of success in society.
In play or work, “try to do, rather than to do perfectly.” Try to better your own per-
formances rather than those of others. Strive, from time to time if you will, to be a
better artist, or ballplayer, or businessman, or housewife, than you are now, but..... if you
become more successful in your chosen field, do not confuse this with being a better
person, i.e., being better as a person. Also, be ready to accept failure from time to time, as
unpleasant or unfortunate, but not as absolutely dreadful and unbearable; and not as
having anything whatever to do with your intrinsic value as a human being.”
10. Your past, particularly your childhood experiences, can affect your present life only
through your thoughts, feelings, and memories about the past. Your past as such, is over
and done. No matter how painful or unpleasant certain experiences at the time, they can
continue to interfere with your present only if you continue to interpret them as “painful”,
“horrible”, “or “terrible”.
If some disturbing event occurred in earlier years and continues to interfere with
your present, it is because of the ideas, associations, and thoughts about the past
event, rather than the occurrence itself, that is bothering you.
Your ability to cope with present situations may be hampered, in part, because of the
persistence of irrational guilt feelings or self-depreciating thought pattern carried over from
earlier life. It is important to realize that because something once strongly affected your life,
that it need not continue doing so indefinitely or for the rest of your life. While considering
your past history seriously and trying best to learn valuable lessons from it, you should
realize that your present is your past of tomorrow. Working to change the present may
enable you to make yourself a better future. Persistent rethinking of your old ideas and
reworking of your past habits can help you overcome the undesirable influences of your
earlier life. The practice of meditation addresses the reprogramming of harmful
negative thoughts and feelings.
11. A meaningful, productive life is an achievement, not an accident or a gift. Being a
real person involves giving yourself whole-heartedly to a cause of creative purpose
that transcends your own immediate gain or satisfaction. While it is important to
use your talents and energies in activities that are personally satisfying, they
should also contribute to the common good of other people. Being a real person
involves developing a mature conscience in which one values the existence and
welfare of others as much as his own.
Finally, being a real person involves having and living such basic values as
honesty, humility, courage, and love. These components of character form the
essentials for experiencing life as a worthwhile and meaningful adventure. With
determination, you can become more mature and live a more nearly complete and
real life.
| Guide For Living |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
